Monday, March 29, 2010

awesome

some awesome things:
1) the twisted ribbing on "audrey" is done!! now i can move on to the next exciting part... oh, wait - it's stockinette. still, the yarn (if i do say so myself) is awesome.


photo 55
(old maiden aunt alpaca/silk sport)


2) i just found out that the cat empire is coming back to the UK in the fall. we went to see them almost by accident the day that i flew back from canada - i was completely exhausted & jet-lagged, but somehow ended up dancing through the whole show, that's how awesome they are.
3) my customers. not only are they fantastically understanding & forgiving (i've had a few glitches with overselling in the web shop, and so far, the few folk that it's happened to have been very cool about the inevitable delay that this will cause to their orders), but sometimes they send me amazing stuff! look what i got from the blogless - but awesome - daniele in france. my customers are made of awesome.


tiny rocking chair charm
teeny tiny rocking chair charm!


4) it's finally spring! (at least it has been for the past couple of days - let's see if it sticks.) the sun is shining but it's not too hot yet, and everything is turning green & lovely. spring in scotland is awesome.
5) i've been doing the weightwatchers thing for three weeks - and have already lost half a stone!! (that's 7lbs, but half a stone sounds much more impressive, doesn't it?) & despite the fact that none of my clothes fit properly anymore - i've got a pile of clothes from my (slightly) thinner days that are still a bit too small, and all my "fat" clothes are now too big - i'm pretty excited. i've changed a lot of things about the way i eat, but it hasn't seemed like too much of a struggle (except for a little - well, ok, fairly major - sugar withdrawal in the first week, but we don't talk about that). i'm don't feel like i'm starving all the time, and i already feel a lot healthier - i even went to a step class last week, and since i didn't die, i'm going back again this week, and probably next week too (crazy, eh?). so i think it's safe to say - i'm awesome.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

the disconnect

i've never been a very physical person. i'm not into sports - i don't really like exercising, and i'm not very graceful or coordinated (minor understatement!). most of the things i enjoy doing are fairly sedentary (knitting, spinning, reading & so on) & cerebral. & no matter what i try, there always seems to be a disconnect between my mind & my body.
a small part of this is an Aspergers thing - my messed-up sensory system means that sometimes i struggle with correctly identifiying physical sensations (pain, tiredness, hunger) & end up thinking i should be capable of more than i actually am (which never goes well, and makes me quite cross with my body & its limitations).
but for the most part, it's simply down to being female, and living in this society where we are constantly told that we'll never measure up. i've had the tv on the background while i've been thinking about this, and so far, i've seen a series of ads that are telling me i need to lose half my body weight, but enhance my "assets" (ahem); elongate my eyelashes, colour my lips, smooth out my skin, and hide my gray hair, wrinkles, & stretch marks; and that i should never, under any circumstance, let it be known that i sweat, menstruate, have body hair, or ever get that "not-so-fresh" feeling (& don't even get me started on that one - that's a whole rant on its own!). add in the fashion industry, with its clothes cut to fit an idealized, tiny body type (the like of which the vast majority of women will never possess), and the diet industry, whose sole function seems to be making us feel bad about enjoying food, and you can see how it all begins to wear you down.
because of this, my relationship with my body is difficult at best - i tend to see it more as something that i need to do battle with rather than something which holds & supports me, which gets me where i need to go, and which (more or less) works exactly like it should. & despite knowing how lucky i am to have a body that works, it's often hard not to feel like it's not quite good enough. & it's even harder to admit that although i try my best to like myself as i am, the simple fact is that i do need to lose some weight in order to be a healthier person.
with all the aforementioned factors playing their damaging part, though, things become very complicated. if i say that i need to lose weight, is it because i want to be healthier & stronger (yes) or is it really because i think i'll look better as a thinner person (also yes)? and if i'm losing weight partly because i think it will make me look better, is this some kind of feminist betrayal, because i'm buying into the idea that thin=attractive? or is it ok that by "coincidence", what will make me feel stronger & healthier will also make me feel like i look better? & so on, & so on.... sigh.
& so, with all that in mind, i've joined weight watchers (online only - no meetings for me, thank you) and have officially started my becoming-healthy project as of the start of this week. and as much as i loathe, detest, despise & abominate the diet industry, so far it looks like weight watchers is a fairly reasonable way to go - it's already making me more aware of what i'm putting into my body, and what it's actually "worth" nutritionally (i'm fairly certain that's not a word, but i'm just going to carry on regardless), and it doesn't seem to be geared towards making you feel guilty about food. & i'm trying some different ways to connect to my body, from the serious (healthier food & exercise) to the downright frivolous.

photo 53
(apologies to my friend with the foot phobia!)


& hopefully, soon, i'll start to appreciate my body for the wonderful thing that it is, instead of feeling so disconnected from it.

Sunday, March 21, 2010

frankengreen


frankengreen cardi 1


project specs:
started (2nd time): 1st february 2010
completed: 20th march 2010
needles: 5mm addi circular
yarn: superwash merino aran from fyberspates, 600grams
pattern: a monster-mish-mash of ideas from various sources, mainly my january cardigan and my adeline coat.
this was originally knitted up into almost a full cardigan, before i decided to rip out the whole thing & redo it into something completely different - & i'm really glad i did! i'm quite pleased with how this has turned out, especially as i pretty much winged the whole thing (especially the mini-shawl collar!).

frankengreen cardi 3


hopefully i'll have more great projects to show off soon - i've found a gorgeous yarn/button combo for my next cardi, and now that i've cleared one big project from the needles, i'm excited to get started on the next one straightaway!

photo 52

Friday, March 12, 2010

still here

sorry about the long silence - i'm still here, & things are good! the RSA got back safe & sound a few days ago & i've been adjusting to having someone else in the house again (turns out that eight weeks is just about long enough to get so used to being on your own that it's slightly odd to suddenly have someone else around).
it's starting to feel like the long winter is over at last - the days have been really sunny, and it looks like spring might finally be peeking through.

photo 44
first crocuses!


& i've been knitting something designed to chase away the last lingering remnants of the winter grays.

sam socks
"sam" socks by cookie a. in wollmeise "sonne"


apart from that, i'm just trying to get back to normal - being on my own was a pretty big adjustment, and it seems that not being on my own is going to be an adjustment as well! hopefully it won't take too long, and i'll have more brainpower for blog posting soon.