Saturday, January 09, 2010

my own devices

i'll admit, i'm not too great at managing on my own. when i'm left to my own devices, here's what happens: i eat rubbish junk food (i can't cook to save my life), i watch far too much bad tv, and i tend to avoid social contact in favour of talking to the dog. none of these things have ever been a big problem before, since the longest i've been left on my own for has been a few days here & there.
unfortunately, the RSA (the Resident Sock Appreciator, aka my partner) has just left for TWO MONTHS working in india - so i'm pretty sure my usual on-my-own habits aren't going to cut it for that length of time. luckily, the freezer has already been stocked with piles of easily-reheatable (& nutritious!) food, so that solves one problem; i've also filled up my lovefilm rental list with a bunch of great dvds, so that fixes the bad tv issue.
the last problem, however, is a little more difficult. having an autistic spectrum disorder means that i'm kind of naturally wired to avoid socializing - even if i want to have company, i'm not likely to actively seek it out. and although the RSA does a lot of practical "caring" for me as well (keeping me organised in the midst of life's chaos, keeping me positive when i'm more inclined to mope, and keeping me fed!) the most important thing she does for me is to link me to the "real world".
having aspergers is sort of like living on a small island - the rest of the world is happening around me, but i'm separated from it. it's not always a bad thing - parts of the island are nice & calm, and it's pretty relaxing to hang out here. but sometimes, it's really lonely, and scary, and weird - and luckily for me, i have someone who can bridge the gap between weird-alone island and the rest of the world, and make things less lonely over here. and the thought of two months of being cut off on my island is quite frightening.
it's not all bad - i do have a few very good friends who i'm sure will be looking out for me, and family who will no doubt be calling (a lot) to make sure i'm still alive. but there's noone that i feel as safe with as the RSA - and even the best of friends can't help with things like having to go to bed alone (i'm fairly certain that i'm not that good friends with any of them).
so, here's hoping that the two months passes quickly, and that i don't get too weird & reclusive from being stranded over here on my island....


Sadie said...

Oh goodness, that must be a daunting prospect. I hope that the two months pass quickly and easily!

Kathleen said...

Hope the two months pass smoothly and quickly, and what a good tribute to the RSA! Hope the trip to India is productive and comfortable. x K

Trekky said...

Hope the next two months go ok for you. I am very jealous about the RSA going to India - seems very far away from this snowy corner of the world!

Take care


ps) there is nothing wrong with being a little weird & reclusive :)

danièle said...

Dear Lilith,
So sad about you being lonely and afraid, but I think it is great that the both of you are able to live you lives : your partner feels strong enough to leave and you feel strong enough to let her go. Wow !
I think that you have to keep that in mind and maybe it will help you to get you through some more difficult times.
And I am happy that some people will be around to help you as well.
As for me, although I am too far to help you practically, and that makes me sad, I will send you good vibes of fortitude and some mails from time to time.
Big hugs,

Helen said...

Awww, chick, you will be okay. If it all gets too much Ange and I are not far away :-)

Karen said...

And you have all of us in blogland pulling for you! Keep writing to let us know how you're doing! I care!!!

fey said...

Real World?
There's a Real World?

Paula said...

Hang in there. We're out here in blogland and Ravelry for you also. I know its not the same as RSA but every little bit helps.